| Interpretative reading. A hilarious look at stress and the wonder of life from a baby's perspective.
Baby Talk: The Talk Showby Debra Bruch
4 people: (Feel free to change the names.)
(Setup: Put four chairs in a semi-circle.)
HOST: (To the "camera"/audience.) Hello! I'm ___________, and this is Baby Talk, the Talk Show. Today, we have some very special guests. And we're gonna talk about what babies think about, especially when faced with this world of ours. Beside me here is Baby Steve. (To Baby Steve.) Hello Baby Steve. BABY STEVE: Hi. HOST: And you're Baby Jane. BABY PHIL: No, I'm Baby Phil. HOST: Oh! Sorry about that! It's a little difficult to tell the difference. BABY PHIL: Difference? What difference? HOST: (Nervous laugh.) Well, heh, heh, nevermind. . . . WELL, you must be Baby Jane. BABY JANE: Yep! That's what the woman calls me. HOST: Woman? What woman? BABY STEVE: Your mother, stupid! BABY JANE: I'm not stupid! Why do you call me stupid? BABY STEVE: Well, that's what I hear adults say. HOST: Yes, well, Baby Phil, how do you like life? BABY PHIL: Well, gee, I don't know. It's awful big. BABY JANE: Scary too! BABY STEVE: I'm not scared. HOST: You're not? Why? BABY STEVE: I have my thumb. BABY JANE: Your thumb? What's that do? BABY STEVE: It protects me. BABY JANE: Really? How's it work? BABY STEVE: Easy. You put it in your mouth. Like this. BABY JANE: Like this? BABY STEVE: Yeah, that's it! BABY JANE: Oh wow! This is terrific! BABY PHIL: Hey! This is pretty good! BABY STEVE: Yeah! It doesn't suck! Ha! Ha! HOST: That must be something else you picked up from adults. BABY STEVE: Oh yeah! Adults are really strange! HOST: Oh? How? BABY STEVE: Well, you know, they go around moaning and groaning about this and about that. They say they got all this stress stuff. BABY JANE: Yeah! Yeah! And then they make US have stress! HOST: Really? How? BABY JANE: Well, when I was young, I couldn't talk. BABY PHIL: Yeah, I remember that. All we could do was cry. HOST: And you don't cry any more? BABY JANE: Oh, sure we do! I'm three years old! It's what I do! BABY PHIL: It's just that our method of communication is more sophisticated now. BABY STEVE: Yeah. Lots more. BABY PHIL: Adults call it nonverbal communication. HOST: Nonverbal communication? BABY PHIL: Oh yeah. Swing the arms, kick the feet, that kind of thing. HOST: Oh! I see. BABY PHIL: Yeah, that with the voice and we have pretty effective expression. HOST: I see. But how do you feel stress? BABY JANE: Well, I get hungry. BABY STEVE: Yeah, I remember that. Being hungry is really bad. BABY PHIL: I'd say it's pretty stressful, yes. BABY JANE: And when that happens, I cry alot. But half the time the adults didn't know what I was crying about! BABY PHIL: Yeah! Sometimes they'd pick me up and thump me really hard on the back. They'd think I had gas or something. BABY JANE: Yeah, adults tend to think alot about gas. BABY STEVE: Sometimes when I'm hungry they'd ignore me. HOST: They did? BABY STEVE: Yeah. The man would say, "Let him cry. He's gotta learn to wait for us." HOST: But you're just a baby! BABY STEVE: Yeah, that's what I thought! BABY JANE: I think that everybody should have a nice warm bottle when they're hungry. BABY STEVE: Yeah, me too. BABY PHIL: And then there's toilet training. Boy was that stressful! HOST: That was stressful? BABY JANE: Oh yeah! I remember that! BABY STEVE: I'm still going through it! I HATE it! HOST: Why? What's stressful about toilet training? BABY PHIL: Adults say that I gotta hold it. I gotta hold it. Adults are crazy! Who in their right mind would WANT to hold that stuff in?!! They're saying, "Hold it in! Hold it in!" And I'm saying "Get it out! Get it out!" It's really gross, and they want me to hold it in! BABY STEVE: Yeah! And there's the big white thing with a hole in it. And it's got water in it too! BABY JANE: Yeah. When I first saw that, I thought I was gonna get a bath so I climbed in. The adults didn't like that much. BABY PHIL: Yeah, it would help if adults were a little consistent, you know? BABY STEVE: Yeah. Here I am. I can barely sit on a chair. And they expect me to sit on that thing with my legs tied together by my pants and not fall in. And then to top it off, they want me to let it out! When they're standing there watching me! Who, I ask you, can do that when faced with that kind of stress?! BABY PHIL: I really do think they're being unreasonable with this. BABY JANE: Yeah, but when you do, you get major rewarded. Boy I remember when I first did it and the adults went burserk! BABY PHIL: Adults get happy over the strangest things. They make no sense to me at all. HOST: What makes you happy? BABY PHIL: Oh, wow, just about everything! BABY JANE: Yeah! The sights are fantastic! It's amazing what you can find in the carpet. BABY STEVE: Yeah. I explore everything with my mouth. Sometimes it's hard though. Like the time I explored a basketball. That was tough. HOST: What do you find most intriging? BABY JANE: Wind and grass and trees and flowers. BABY STEVE: I prefer the kitchen myself. I can open drawers and cabinets and develop my grasping technique. Lots of stuff in the kitchen. BABY PHIL: The electrical outlets are especially intriging to me. The adults put these things there, but I'm working on getting them off so I can really explore. Fans and stoves are pretty neat, too. I like the knobs. HOST: If you could wish for something in this world, for everybody, what would it be? BABY PHIL: I think everybody should have a warm blanket and a full tummy. BABY STEVE: Yeah. And I think that everybody should have a kiss and a cuddle. HOST: What about you? BABY JANE: (Pause.) Well, I think that everybody should know that life is a big adventure. BABY PHIL: Yeah, that's good. BABY STEVE: Yeah! I think that adults kinda take the world for granted. They got used to it. BABY PHIL: Yeah. They're always wanting something different than what they have. And they always wanna be someplace else than where they are. BABY STEVE: Yeah! People are kinda missin' out on what they've got! HOST: What can people do about it? BABY STEVE: That's easy! All they gotta do is keep exploring. BABY JANE: Yeah, I'll tell you. When I put that old gum wrapper in my mouth, it's a real experience. I'd like for everybody to have experiences like that. HOST: Well, thank you very much for being here today. (To the "camera"/audience.) Next week we'll have the adults with babies on our program. We'll hear their side of the story. Take care.
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