| Interpretative reading. About tithing.
Confession: The Talk Showby Debra Bruch
5 people total
Setting: Four people are onstage sitting in chairs, like a talk show.
HOST: (Looks at the imaginary camera: the audience.) Hello! I'm __________________, and this is CONFESSION: THE TALK SHOW. Today, our important, contemporary topic is -- you guessed it -- sneezing and driving. As you probably know, legislature was passed not too long ago making it against the law to sneeze and drive. . . . (Turns to guests and well as looking at the camera, as appropriate.) We have three important guests today to discuss this topic: Senator _________________ who initiated the law, and two individuals who broke the law. GUEST #3: What? HOST: (ignoring #3) Senator, can you throw some light on this new law? I'm sure everyone would like to know what this law is about. SENATOR: Of course. It's simple, really. Sneezing when driving is hazardous. HOST: (Pause.) In what way? SENATOR: When you sneeze, you close your eyes. In that split second, you are a menace to the public. Anything can happen. You can jump a curve or smash into an oncoming car. HOST: Well, you can't help it when you sneeze. SENATOR: The law's the law. HOST: Okay. Senator, how do you prosecute a sneezer who drives? SENATOR: Well, that's a little difficult. Unless a police officer happens to witness the event, the only way to prosecute is either by having a witness come forward, or confession. HOST: Confession? SENATOR: Yes. The person who breaks the law turns himself in. HOST: That's unusual, isn't it? SENATOR: Oh yes. But if you are a good citizen, you'd turn yourself in. HOST: That leads us to our next guest. _________________, are you a sneezer and driver? GUEST #2: Yes I am. HOST: Can you tell us about it? GUEST #2: Well, I was driving down I-75 when I sneezed. HOST: And were you prosecuted for that? GUEST #2: Yes, I was. HOST: Who turned you in? GUEST#2: I did. HOST: You turned yourself in. GUEST #2: Yes. HOST: Why? GUEST #2: Well, I was just trying to be a good citizen. I knew it was against the law, so I turned myself in. HOST: What happened after you turned yourself in? GUEST #2: I was sentenced to six weeks in jail and a hundred dollar fine. HOST: Six weeks in jail?! Plus a hundred dollar fine?! How do you feel about that? GUEST #2: Well, I broke the law. I didn't mean to, but I try to do what's right. HOST: But six weeks in jail? GUEST #2: Sounds fair to me. HOST: Okay. Thank you. Our next guest had a similar experience. ___________________, are you a sneezer and driver? GUEST #3: No, I'm not. HOST: (Alarmed.) No? GUEST #3: No. That's not what I came here to confess. HOST: You weren't prosecuted for sneezing and driving? GUEST #3: No. HOST: (Pause. To the "camera.") We'll take a commercial break now. We'll be back in a few moments. (Pause. To Guest #3.) Okay, buddy. Why are you here? GUEST #3: I was asked to come. HOST: For what?!!! GUEST #3: I didn't file my tithing. HOST: Your tithing? Your tithing? Where's the producer? ______________, where are you? ________________ ! (The Producer enters.) PRODUCER: Yes, yes, what is it? HOST: We have a serious problem here, ________________ . We're talking about sneezing and driving today and here's a tither. GUEST #3: I didn't file -- PRODUCER: A tither? GUEST #3: I didn't file -- HOST: A tither! GUEST #3: It's the law. And I -- PRODUCER: Well, there's been some kind of mix-up here. Go ahead and talk about tithing. HOST: Tithing? Who cares about tithing?! Nobody wants to hear about tithing! If we talk about tithing, our rating will go down! This is your fault! PRODUCER: Well . . . . Well . . . . Oh, I remember! We had initially scheduled tithing today, but it was cancelled. Lack of interest. I guess I forgot to cancel the guest. HOST: Great! Now what? PRODUCER: Five seconds. Just, just deal with it. You're a professional! Two . . . One . . . (The Producer exits.) HOST: (Pause. To the "camera.") Welcome back to Confession: The Talk Show. Today, we're talking about sneezing and driving ... and tithing. (Pause.) Our third guest today is a tither. GUEST #3: I didn't file my tithing. HOST: Yes. You didn't file your tithing. So what? GUEST #3: Well, it's the law. (Pause.) To file your tithing. HOST: So you broke the law. GUEST #3: Yes, I did. HOST: And how were you prosecuted? GUEST #3: Prosecuted? HOST: Yes, prosecuted! GUEST #3: I wasn't. HOST: How long a sentence did you serve? GUEST #3: None. HOST: Fine? GUEST #3: None. HOST: You broke the law, and you weren't prosecuted? GUEST #3: That's right. I broke the law, but I wasn't prosecuted for it. It's my choice whether or not to accept the law. HOST: So, why are you here? GUEST #3: To confess that I broke the law. HOST: So now what? GUEST #3: I plan to file my tithing. HOST: (Pause.) Well, this is really very interesting, but we're out of time now. (Turns to the "camera".) That's it for today, folks. This is _________________, and remember: don't sneeze and drive, and file your tithes -- or don't -- I don't know. Have a good day.
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