The Secretary

(Mime with narrative. Either a person needs to read the narrative or record the narrative on tape.)

5 people:

• The Secretary
• Timmy
• Mrs. Crump
• The Boss
• The Stranger

Needed: 5 chains that can be taken on and off.

Setting:

Three small tables (as desks). Three chairs. The Secretary's desk is center stage. All characters have chains around their necks. They don't notice the chains.

I admit I'm not the best person in the world. Well, actually, I'm kind of a louse. But I like being a louse. It upsets people. How else can I get back at the world? Well, to tell you the truth, I can't seem to do it anymore. You see, something happened to me that I can't exactly explain. Well, let me at least try to tell you -- from the beginning.

It was the usual kind of day -- hot and humid. And I was feeling my usual louse-like self. I went to work as usual. I hated it there. I stepped into the elevator. I hate elevators. I had to go up to three, so I pushed every other button before I pushed three. With all this talk about love and peace going around, try pushing all the elevator buttons and see how far love and peace goes!

Secretary enters. Crosses to "elevator." Step into elevator, see the people by her. Push all the buttons. People are reacting to that. Give a smug smile. Ride the elevator.

I stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hall to the office. Now this company I work for is rich, see. But the walls are painted green with no pictures. I feel a lot like that.

Step out of the elevator. Walk down the hall. Touch the wall Bang the wall with your fist. Timmy enters, elevator, etc.

I opened the door and went into the office just like usual. I made coffee for everybody except me, just like usual.

Open the door and enter the office. Make coffee.

Timmy came in. Timmy's my peon, see. And I make him do everything I don't wanna do myself. And if he does anything wrong, I get to get him. I like to do a little head-bashing. It makes me feel good. He usually comes in and stuffs envelopes because I hate doing that. Sometimes I give the mail to Timmy, but usually I hand out the mail myself. I like to pigeon-hole things. I can relate to it. So Timmy was stuffing envelopes and I was pigeon-holing. Then, as usual, Mrs. Crump came in.

Timmy enters. Looks at Secretary. Puts up his coat and sits at his desk. Mrs. Crump enters, elevator, etc. Timmy takes a piece of paper, folds it twice, stuffs it into an envelope, licks the envelope, and places it aside. This is his work. Secretary put mail into boxes. Mrs. Crump enters. Puts up coat.

Now, Mrs. Crump is another secretary just like me. She hates it here, just like me. Everybody treats her like furniture, just like me. But she won't talk to me. I know. I tried once. About five years ago. She acted like I'd stomped on sacred ground or something. Come to think of it, she was more of a louse than I am.

Mrs. Crump crosses to Secretary, looks at the mail for a moment. She then crosses to Timmy and sees what he's doing. She then crosses to her desk, sits down and begins to type.

Anyway, she was working at her desk when all of a sudden she keeled over. I didn't do anything to her! Honest! I just looked for a minute, then I decided to call the boss. I always did wonder what he looked like.

Mrs. Crump falls to the floor. Timmy stands up. Secretary crosses to Mrs. Crump. Shoves her with her foot to see if she'll move. She doesn't. Secretary calls on the phone.

The boss came in and looked at Mrs. Crump. He then hauled her out and I went back to work. But then I saw that Timmy was just standing there, too, so I got to do a little head bashing. So he got back to stuffing envelopes.

The Boss enters. Shoves Mrs. Crump with his foot to see if she'll move. She doesn't. He picks her up and drags her offstage. Secretary sees Timmy, crosses to him and slaps him around. He sits and stuffs envelopes. Secretary stands by him to see if he does it right. Then she goes back to the mail.

Actually, I was kinda scared. I figured that with Mrs. Crump gone, I'd have to do more work.

But real quick the boss came back in with another person. Boy they must be waiting in the wings for the job! The boss didn't say a word to me (he never does except in memos and tapes.) He just shoved this man at me and I had to show him what to do. So -- I showed him how to stuff envelopes.

Boss enters with a Stranger. Boss shoves Stranger at the Secretary and exits. Secretary shows Stranger where to sit and how to stuff envelopes.

Boy, he was awful slow. So I tried to give him a little head bashing. But I couldn't. I tried a little, but he didn't respond. He just looked at me.

Secretary stands over the Stranger to see if he does it right. She tries to slap him around a little, but she can't bring herself to do it. The Stranger looks at her and smiles. The Secretary sits at her desk and types.

Then he did something to me. I don't know what. I can't explain it. He did something to Timmy, too! And for the first time since I've ever known him, Timmy smiled.

The Stranger gets up and crosses to the Secretary. He takes off her chain and puts it on himself. He does the same with Timmy's chain. Timmy smiles.

I don't understand it. The job didn't change any. Same old elevator, same old hallway, same old typewriter. But it was different. I didn't feel like head-bashing anymore.

The Stranger returns to his desk and continues to work. The Secretary and Timmy just look at him.

I hate to admit it, but I don't feel quite so much like a louse anymore.

They freeze.

Life is strange.

Copyright 1989 Debra Bruch

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